The members of the St. Louis-based band Jerkwater Junction come from different backgrounds, and foregrounds -- for that matter. Jerkwater Junction formed in April 1997 as some of them were attending Greenville College in Greenville, IL. Others did not go to that school in the middle of southern Illinois, but managed to stumble across Jerkwater Junction between then and now, and then joined up, for whatever reason. Today the band is a hodgepodge of musicians who live hundreds of miles from one another. Yet, they often converge upon the apartment on top of one of St. Louis' best bars, The Way Out Club, to hone their craft and annoy the patrons of the aforementioned bar below them. Oh, and they also play out quite a bit, too, sometimes at the twice aforementioned bar. Anyway, below are their stories.

     Lead singer-guitarist-songwriter Corey Saathoff, 24, is originally from Pierron, IL, which at population 600 is one of the most bustling suburbs of Highland, IL. He is a Virgo, which is perhaps the sissiest sign of the Zodiac, besides the Libra, of course. Corey enjoyed wine and women until the age of seven, when he discovered the music of Burt Bacharach. That sparked him to take up the piano, and embark on a 40 city tour of U.S. Ramada Inns, during which time he acquired the taste for Milk Duds and other assorted candies. After the tour, Corey faked his own death to escape the IRS, and lived incognito for 12 years in Belize. One day he returned to pop culture sporting a 14 inch beard and mittens made from exotic goat fur. He traded in those mittens for a Fender Telecaster guitar and a 2x12 Fender Twin Reverb. The two Fender products inspired him to form Jerkwater Junction, a band with a name that has two words in it, each beginning with the letter "j." Nowadays, Corey enjoys long walks on the beach, tap dancing and a good book. He also has taken a fancy to amateur Shakespeare theatre and HAM radio operation. The frontman's major musical influences are himself, R.E.M., Uncle Tupelo, Gram Parsons -- and for some reason, Rasputin, the evil Russian priest.

     Hailing from the timber ( Kinmundy, IL) is drummer Matt Payne, 24. Legend has it that Matt was raised by wolves -- and later in life, baboons -- until he was finally found at the age of 13 by several drunk men on a pheasant hunting expedition. What they did to him that day will not be repeated here, but let's just say he was eventually sent to Johns Hopkins University for treatment and testing, until he was finally released to the capable hands of the circus. For three glorious years, he toured the country as a lion tamer/acrobat until he ruptured his achilles tendon while walking across a street in Duluth to go to the bathroom at a Phillips 66 station. He then spent some time with some Jesuit missionaries, first going to Nigeria and then on to Sri Lanka, until he was lured back to the states by a voluptuous young woman. That woman turned out to be a man -- in fact, it was Matt's long-lost brother, also a wolf child -- so Payne quickly enrolled into the aforementioned Greenville College where he met Corey Saathoff and formed a band. A Scorpio, Payne plays an electronic Roland drum set, which gives the twangy Jerkwater Junction a much-needed Sheila E-like sound. He also is the only known human being thought to be in possession of an original Jerkwater Junction t-shirt, which is neon yellow and has the band's name with a railroad crossing emblem on the front of it. (As you have probably already guessed, these t-shirts are in very hot demand.) Besides being known for his stupendous drumming, he is known for the wearing of funny hats, the caretaking of rabid mammals, and his love for the feel of bikini underwear on his soft round buttocks.

     Jerkwater Junction's second-newest member is 26-year-old lead guitarist Dave Collett of St. Louis. Dave, also a Scorpio -- which brings the band's Scorpio count to two -- did not always live in St. Louis, though. Although he claims to be from Macomb, IL, (coincendentally where the St. Louis Rams hold their training camp) most experts agree Dave is from another world entirely. Bearing a strong resemblance to the main character from the movie "Powder," it is believed that Dave transended down to the Earth somewhere around 4322 B.C. For years he toiled in eastern Mesopotamia as a bronzesmith, creating hoes, rakes and other crude primitive agricultural equipment in exchange for food from the wondering nomadic hunters and peasants in the region. It was then that one day Hammurabi walked into his humble mud hut and asked Dave if he would craft a special, super-strong spear that he could use to defeat all of his enemies. Dave, his alien powers allowing him to read minds, knew that Hammurabi desired to use the spear to kill not only his enemies, but Dave himself, so he quickly ran out of the hut screaming. For more than 6,000 years Dave wandered the planet, righting wrongs when needed, until settling in the Azores island chain. One day not too long ago, Dave's super-sensitive alien ears picked up on Corey and Matt jamming in Corey's basement in Southern Illinois. Dave immediately transported himself there and offered them his lead guitar services, and thus joined the band. Dave now plays a '97 Les Paul Classic guitar through a Marshall MKII head and [very] old Vox Buckingham cabinet. His guitar-playing has been compared to the likes of Ritchie Blackmore, Drew Carey, Kim Thayil, Bob Mould, Dickey Betts, Richard Nixon, Robespierre and Wheel-of-Fortune host, Pat Sajack.

     Supplying the band's bottom end is Jerkwater Junction's newest member Wayne Way, 31, of St. Louis. Yes, Wayne has a first name sounds remarkably similar to his last name, and maybe that's why you don't recognize him. However, most of you will recognize Wayne by his former name: Gerald Ford. After stepping out of politics for a while after his presidency in 1976, he became a magician, occassionally appearing on "Circus of the Stars." But when things went awry on his signature trick -- slicing four Rottweilers in half, thus creating 8 Rottweilers -- he left the world of magic in shame to live with the Amish in Northern Iowa. It was there that he taught high-school history and coached JV football. One day, a young, pimple-faced sophmore came into his class, and asked him if he would teach him to throw a spiral. Three days a week from 8 p.m. to 9 p.m. Wayne worked with the youngster, whose name is Kurt Warner, and taught him the art of quarterbacking. That kid went on to play some college ball, and I think he might be in the pros somewhere. Anyway, Wayne re-emerged in politics, this time sporting the name Pete Wilson. He won the California governorship, and went on to enter the presidential race until a spell of larangitis ended his run. He then bought a classic Fender Jazz Bass and a Hartke bass rig. Needing an outlet to use these instruments, Wayne joined Jerkwater Junction, and now is proud owner of two bengal cats.